letting go..............

This is very disappointing that i want to kill myself. i want to finish it. the pain inside me grows and it kills me everyday and i think its better to kill myself than to be killed everyday......................

one of my friend told me that life goes on so i should move on but how could i????????

i will try not to do such rubbish thing i know its a wrong decisions but i wanna do it so today i brought a scale pale(its like a blade very sharp) but still don't know do it or not...........

sitting alone and crying is a common thing for me but never wanted to do such things.

if i kill myself problems will not be solved but still why i can't take it anymore.the pain grows and grows i can feel my heart aches it hurts like hell....................

i know u dont want this u just want to be happy, free, independent but still i want to know that does me mean nothing to u?

so words like she dont deserve u; life move on; think of ur parents; those small things dont make u to do this ;

are not making any help...........

i wanted to be happy; i wanted to make other happy; but atlast i wanted a second chance and wanted ur support but u did not gave me anything.........

u say take care whn u dont even care u say understand me whn u dont even want me to understand...........

i cant so I QUIT................................

the way i loved u and what i could not express

hi today wanna say u all out thr never hide ur emotions within it dangerous........................
mine some wht like this

i dont know wht love is exactly but i know how i felt and feel right now and before................
so let me tell u that there was a girl i liked her too much coz not only due to her beautiful smile and which make jealous but also when i see her face i dont remember any sorrows and i felt like am happy and my heart smiles...
i could not say her I LOVE U by seeing into her eyes coz i feared that i may fall ..............like could not resist myself will kiss her....
she is most beautiful girt i ever met. Dont think i am blind the way see make me feel the life i could not felt in any place. Being with her was the incredible feeling which only can be told like i felt butterfly in my tommy... or like in a very peaceful and beautiful place .
When i see her i felt like giving myself to her . and most specially when see smiles it like rain of happiness. I feel like that was pure so beautiful i just cant explain ..................

these thing i could tell to the person it was meant to be............ every time i fail to tell her that she is so much beautiful and her smile makes me crazy make me out of control...........

In this way she is the best person i met in my life no fake smile but she was happy with me i thought..........

There is so i need to tell, so much to make her smile but everytime i failed.

I felt the warmth first time i hugged her........... it was like more than perfect when i first time kissed her..........
it felt complete it felt much more than nice it was beautiful.

i want her to hold me and i want to hold her for my entire life i want her to be happy so that i can see her smile and be happy again be complete again

am not perfect may there is some one better than me for u. but still i love u this is the way i love u.....

problem 1

hi my name is praveen udgata.
today am starting my first blog so will try to keep it simple and plain but need ur help to ........


today in morning i woke up late , got ready, begin the day with a simple thought that everything will be right. i had the ims class so went to class but in the middle of the road it began to rain heavily. i got wet and thought of having a cigarette. So went to pan shop started smoking.
While taking the fag i was wondering the thought of yesterday what happened. Got to decision to went to puri to meet her parents and will talk about very important thing of my life.
Started the journey from bhubaneswar to puri the place where she lives.
Thoughts while riding:
1. How will her parents react when i meet them.
2. I am not looking good had not shaved since 5 day, not also properly dressed.
3. leave it man it now not the time for looks. I cant take it more of her parents scolding her on every chance they get for our mistake(the mistake).
4. Will they try to understand or not?
5. What actually i will tell them, how will i ask forgiveness, should i tell everything of us or not or just go and ask forgiveness and will come?
6. Will they...will that.....

There were so many question around my head and i was driving very rough and speed. one bump woke me up from my thoughts and i was like driving for more than 60 minutes and was near puri then tried to recall the place where i dropped her the day i met her in puri. it was the place near talabania dav searched for 20 minutes and went there and called on the phone of her mother and talked to her about what i was there for...
areee only to meet her parents.

asked the the place went to the house and talked to them.

wht was talk about what really problem and your solution see tomorrows blog.